Thursday, April 14, 2005. I’m writing this blog to relieve my stress and burdens that I carry. I had new burden recently. Which makes me feel horrible…. The past burdens are not over yet and it’s already very heavy for me, now a new one adds on…. I’m lost of words to type in here. I’m getting tire everyday and getting more sickie everyday. I have been very silence since that thing happened…. My grandfather is unable to walk. He has no strength and because of that he had to do his business in his room. My mum blames herself that if she hadn’t brought him to see a Chinese doctor, this thing won’t happened. And no matter how many times, I told her that it’s not her fault for the outcome, she won’t listen. I can roughly understand how she felt for the past few days. To add on fire and spices, my grandma, keep nagging about how good we treated him. And how many times he had to bath, and it’s a retribution for him. All things she said make us feel more horrible. My mum was very pissed off whenever she says something like this. For the past few days I really cannot stay there for the whole day, but because my mum is there, I have to be there too. And I got scolded for nothing too, but I understand why she’s behaving this way. I had no appetite to eat for days. I’m unable to sleep well too. In the past, was my problem between me and my mum, second add was my sister’s problem, third was my grandma problem where there was a time she was unable to walk too. Though she was able to walk now, but it’s still unstable sometimes. Now it’s my grandfather. I had to handle all these problems, excluding my work and stress from school. God had taken away my tears, I was unable to cry out, and even I wanted to do so. He granted my wish for letting me to be strong. But I think I’ll not be able to make it come true. I’m looking for something to vent all my frustrations out.