This is the first time I post this blog after such a long time and it’s going to be a long one. The longest blog I had ever post in my life. I’m now on my way home from school. Listening to song play in this laptop and writing this blog and waste some time. I have a lot of things I want to say. Too much… I went to Orchard last Saturday to celebrate Mr. Yak’s and Yimei’s birthday. We spent most of the time at Swensen. I’m so tired and had no strength to have fun. Yup, ever since my grandfather cannot, I and my mum had to spend all of our free time at my grandma’s house. Now another matter appeared. My youngest uncle was taken by the police in the middle of the night the day before today. They scared my grandma as she was living with my uncle. The last time was my eldest uncle and now is the youngest. Now he’s caught, I wonder how my grandparents going to survive. I hate the government. Yes, I know it’s wrong to do illegal work, but do they actually think of the people who really cannot work due to the high expectations of the working society? No I don’t think they did. They only think of the people whom have the certificate. What in the world is going on man?! Whatever, it’s just going to be another burden on the family. Okay, back to the topic I was talking about above. I didn’t expect to see him there. And seeing him really spoilt my whole mood more. Though, I have to reason and no right to say that he cannot be there. But I just don’t want to see him anymore for the rest of my life. I don’t want to see the person who hurt me so much and deep. Seriously I want to rest; I don’t want to have such worries and burdens on me anymore. I’m tire, too tire.... And I’m only 19 going to be 20. I don’t want to experience such things so early at all. I’m thinking now it’s only the beginning, and in my life there’s still a long way to go. There’s still a lot more for me, waiting for me to carry them on my back. And I already can’t take it anymore. It’s so heavy. It’s this the way God wanted me to have? Or is he giving me now just to prepare for the future? I have a feeling where in the future, things are going to be a lot worse than now. I’m mentally breaking down now. There are times where I don’t even know what I’m doing and talking about. I want to live normally like what other young girls in my age are doing. I want to smile like before, with nothing bothering me and no worries at all. I want to enjoy myself too. I feel like I’m like a middle age woman now. Feeling this way is not the right thing to be for me. Yes, I told God I wanted to be strong, but not anything happened in my family and me. I don’t know how to express my reasons for saying so. Dave once asked me what I want to be when I step on to the working society. I told him I wanted to be a lot of things. I want to be a lawyer, I want to be a doctor like him, I want to be a journalist, and I want to be a pilot. I want to be a lot of things. And the last thing I told him I wanted to be nothing. If there’s a chance for me to choose, I rather be nothing. I don’t want to be in this world. I want to disappear from here and forever disappear from this world. This is just too much for me to handle.
Had been very busy these few days. Preparing for the CCA fair till I fell sick. It start from today and end tomorrow. It’s going to be busier for me and the people in my archery club. I had a hard day today. And I’m so angry with her. Don’t want to say her anymore. The more I think the angrier I will become. I don’t want to grow so fast. Hopefully tomorrow will be a fun and happy day for me. Wondering what’s going to happen for tomorrow. Recently downloaded some songs. They are all love songs. I don’t know why I feel so horrible when I listened to it. I’m tire…. I’m going to sleep soon. I had weird dreams these few days, but it’s not those scary types. It all seems so real in my dreams. I often dreamt about the future. Which all of them came true in my life. I’m curious about it and wondering if others have dream about their future too. I hope all my nightmares and anything bad won’t come true and come again. I hope everything will end sooner and faster. What I typed in here is going to reach a thousand words. Oh ya, tell u guys something funny. Qiu Hui’s IG today brought tons of goldfish today. But one it died. No one in my class dared to take out the dead fish as there’s still lots more in the tank. So Qiu Hui had got no choice but to take out the dead fish by herself. She took it to the washroom and flushed it down the toilet bow. Yucks, that was so gross. Haha…. I don’t have the guts to touch a fish man. They look so slimy to me, and the moment you take them out of the water, they will be jumping like hell. Yew…. Haha…. If I had to do so, I’ll faint instead of doing it so. Slimy things are never good man. And it’s true. Okay that only applies to me. Okay, got to end here….