Finally today is the last day of school for this week. And it ended quite well. Alone in the train again. Wondering if I was able to have someone to company me home in the future after school. Now mainly concentrating on studies and no more. Though through out might occur some events, but still I want to concentrate on studies. I don’t know why, so don’t ask me how. Recently, I got to know a guy, I must admit that I have feelings, but it’s not deep. And I hadn’t said anything to anyone yet. It’s all keep down in my heart. Maybe, it’s just crush. And I hope so, so that in such a way that I won’t have to get hurt anymore.
I was talking with Steven today, about our relationship life. And we talked till about Joe. I don’t any sadness. No nothing at all. It’s not because of the feeling I’m feeling now, I really did feel nothing at all. I think that I’m going to have a sore throat sooner or later. I’m tire. I want to rest. I seriously need a rest and some peace. I went home with Leong Yong today. He was asking me if I’m going to club today. And when I told him that I don’t go to such places, no one actually believes me. Do I have that look of going for clubbing?
My train is still going very slowly. And I’m rather irritated by the little girl sitting beside me. Her leg was kicking me so many times. And fidgeting from the moment she board this train. I wonder if she can sit still and be quiet for 5 minutes. Its 1711 now, my eyes are shutting now. Still got to workout when I reach home. I don’t have much energy left inside me. Lucky I finished all my work in school. If not I’ll be a walking corpse the next time I go to school.
Going to reach Seng Kang soon. I’m not going to end here. Because I’m going to continue after I reach home.
20 minutes passed, and I just finished my workout. Perspiring all over. Yucks. My dad is home early today and my mum is missing. She just called me and asked what I want to have for dinner. Though I’m hungry, but I have no appetite. But that’s the part of the reason. The other was I’m on a diet. I planned to go on hunger in order to slim down. Hopefully, it’ll work and my determination will not go off somewhere.
Still listening to the same song from the moment I board the train till now. I’m lazy to change the songs. Oh ya, I’m planning to go to the theme park this Sunday with meiling, yiling and huihui. I hope the things there are not expensive. Tomorrow is a Saturday, and mum is not working. It’s going to be a hard day’s work again. Body is failing and out of function soon. Phone also run out of $$, have to top it up again.
Life sucks, and still has to go on in this sucky life. And even after dying, humans have to reincarnate back to this earth again. And goes into the on going sufferings again and again. The only difference will be the place we are being born at. Humans are all the same. Why can’t people attain eternity peace after we die? Why must we be re-born again and again? I seriously, don’t want it to happen to me after I die. I want to be free and be free like a cloud. Cloud is not a thing, I know. It’s water vapor. But still I want to be it.
I only wanted to be back to human unless I have something left undone. Is it because all of us have something undone when we die and we re-born again? This is something I don’t know. It could be one of the reasons. I think I’ve watched too much shows. Thinking all those stupid and silly things. I suddenly thought of that person I like. It just pops out of my mind. Silly me, there’s not going to be an outcome for me and him. Even there is, I don’t think I can walk out of this door I closed myself long ago. So no point thinking since I know the result myself. Really, silly me. A silly rabbit. Unloved, throw away rabbit. Looking for its owner, but still wasn’t able to find.
Just how long is it going to take me to get out and find. Only god knows it.
P.S:
It’s a long entry for today. And I hope that whatever I said to Steven, there won’t be anyone listening to our conversation. Keep my fingers cross.