Thursday, I’m on the train as usual typing entry. Just finished shopping with my other Aiai, Hwee Wun. Yup, company her to China Town to collect her pay, then we walked around and shop. Though, there’s not much stuffs at the moment, but when the night comes, all the shops will be open. And by then, it’ll be very crowded to even walk in there. I’m going home first, since she had to wait for her ex-classmates in ITE, to have a small gathering there too. But company her till the time to meet her friends. Since I’ve nothing to do anyway. The train now is so crowded; lucky I took the train to Habour Front, if not I don’t think I’ll be able to find a seat for myself.
I won’t be attending school tomorrow. I know it’s bad to do so, but seriously, I have no mood in doing anything now. Not because of the Chinese New Year, but what happened recently made me really feeling low. Very low, I wanted to smile happily deep down from my heart, but it seems to be a difficult task for me to accomplish. Maybe God doesn’t want me to be happy and suffer. What crap! Thinking of nothing but all these craps on my mind. I’m not happy at all. Not happy with my life, everything. Just like what Anson told me this afternoon, life is so sucks.
This coming Saturday is the eve of Chinese New Year. I don’t think I’ll have anything to do on that day. But I’ll be going out with another aiai, Rui Rong tomorrow. Going to Bugis tomorrow and have our breakfast. Think I will be taking bus there, since I’m using bus concession; have to make full use of it. My eye left have been twitching the whole day. Don’t feel good about it, kind of worry what will happen to me or what’s going to happen. Kind of scare. Again my eyes are getting heavy and sleepy right now. Never had a good sleep since schools starts. Unhappy event keep coming towards me. And seriously, I’m breaking down. I wonder for how long can I endure it before I really break down and go crazy.
And recently, to tell the truth here, I’ve been thinking of wanting to die. I don’t think I can take up anymore burdens and unhappy stuffs. I don’t think I will want to continue to live here anymore. Living in this place is just like hell. Everything just goes wrong when no matter how hard I try to earn and for it. Being looked down now and then, too stress about this and that. I wanted to scream my lungs out. But there’s no place for me to do so. What I can do is just screaming deep within myself. This sucks like hell.
Finally, my train reached Hougang Station. Another few more stops I will reach Seng Kang. But then I still have to wait for the bus to come and reach home to rest. So tire, after a day of blood boiling. Don’t want to say anything about the lesson today. Going to reach soon, have to end now for I need to get ready and pack.